Read a recent LA. Times article, “What parents think teens are doing on social networks, and what the teens are actually doing.” Here’s the brief article, followed by some reflection.

Do you know where your teens are on the Web tonight?

Most parents aren’t surprised by the most likely answer: social networks. But they may be unsettled by what their kids are doing on those sites, according to a survey to be released Monday by Common Sense Media, a San Francisco advocacy group.

The survey polled 1,013 teens and 1,002 parents. The bottom line: Parents consistently underestimate how much time their kids spend on social networks and how often they engage in risky behavior, such as posting revealing photos of themselves, bullying other kids or hacking into their friends’ accounts. The study mirrors an earlier report from Common Sense Media on kids using technology to cheat in school.

Here’s a sample of the new report’s findings:

• 37% of teens said they used social networks to make fun of other students, but only 18% of parents believe their own angels do so.
• 13% of teens said they posted naked or semi-naked photos or videos of themselves. Only 2% of parents said their kids have done that.
• 24% of teens said they signed on to someone else’s account without permission, while only 4% of parents said their kids have done that.
• 28% of teens posted personal information that they normally would not have revealed in public, but 16% of parents said their kids did that.

What to do? Common Sense suggests …

… parents first learn about these networks by registering and exploring the networks their children are in. Because Facebook and MySpace don’t allow kids under 13 to open accounts, parents with younger children should check their browsers’ histories to see where their kids are going.

For parents of teens who are already on social networks, Common Sense suggested they talk with their kids about privacy settings, whom not to friend and precautions to take when posting personal information.

“Remind teens that everything they post can essentially be seen by a vast, invisible audience,” the group said in its report. “And tell them that online stuff can last forever. If they wouldn’t put something on the hallway in school, they shouldn’t post it on their pages.”

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A few thoughts …

First, an immediate response may be “Oh no, not my kid!… My kid would never …” But wait, that is part of the point of the research. Parents are underestimating the influence of media on their kids, and the visible signs may not clue us in. We need to dig deeper, while taking a step back, and recognize that it could be our kids. Doesn’t mean we are horrible parents. There is hope; read on …

The report mentions monitoring the web habits of your children. (Yes, you should!)

There are also additional ways to talk with your kids. The first is talking with your kids. Get in their world. Find out what interests them—today, right now. Show them you love them by getting interested in what interests them.

At an appropriate time, share a good resource (to get both of you thinking) like How to Use Your Head to Guard Your Heart: A 3(D) Guide to Making Responsible Media Choices (by Walt Mueller of CPYU).

What is 3(D)? It means Discover, Discern, and Decide. There is a process for making responsible choices. This great resource can get a helpful tool in your family.

• Find it here, or grab a FREE copy from the middle school room this weekend. We want to resource you parents—you are the most important influence in your kids’ lives!